| Thomas Mahr |
| Copyright 2007 Red Pulp Underground |
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Red Pulp Underground
I cup my balls and pinch my cock in my basement apartment. I'm in my bed in my boxers. It's 9:01 pm. Late this morning, i masturbated into my bathtub. I was on my knees. It felt like pretty much how it always feels. And i saw the pretty girl with the wowing smile in the coffee shop. She took my money. I watched her and waited, stunned. Finally, she smiled. I was elated. I walked away with a blood-red grin on my face. My coffee had a chunk of cookie in it. I thought it was a rat. Into the trash, i poured out half of my coffee. I was looking for the rat. Instead, i found a slice of almond bordered by baked oatmeal. When i left, i looked behind the counter for the girl. She was gone. I made sure. I stood there, looking. At work, i walked. The cement was damp with wet shadows. The sky was forbidding. I liked how the sky and the street reflected one another. It was like being in a locker room, but the layout was infinite. I don't think anyone talked to me today at work. Mostly, i just say, 'yeah' when i do talk. I say 'yeah' and laugh. I am bushy-headed. And my clothes are big and droopy. (On the radio right now there's these soldiers roaring to a speech by the president. But they don't understand that until they're gay they won’t truly be free. I say this at the risk of being beaten.) At work, i wonder on sex. In the bathroom, i think 'a blow job' and, 'someone fuck me,' and 'i should jack off right here.' I finish pissing and zip up my pants. (I have to turn off the radio to concentrate.) When i was at my podium at work, i read this book. It was pretty stupid. I shouldn't call another artist's work stupid. But there you have it. The book is about a black dude in Brooklyn. Some white girl wants to fuck him, but he denies her. I guess it's pretty funny when you get white people's reactions to black strife. I guess it got me thinking on the bus ride home. I guess i'm lucky to be able to look through someone else's eyes at what the world's like. So far, i'm glad i'm not black. I lick tar from my bottom lip. It's bitter. The music i'm listening to is dour. I can't sleep yet, though i popped my pills tonight. I guess i'll have to wait. The funny thing is, i didn't even think about masturbation when i got my pills this morning. Instead, i told the nurse about the blur that causes my eyes to squint throughout the day. I guess other people would say so far, they're glad they aren't schizo. I guess that might be you. November 2007 |